week one : the reality of homeschooling, working from home and coronoavirus
Let’s be real for a moment; it’s been a tough week. Overnight our worlds were turned upside down. New ways of living have been imposed upon us from social distancing to self-isolation, home-schooling and virtual play dates. I was in the middle of finalizing details for a 200-person wedding on March 29th at the top of the ski resort. In the space of a couple of days we went from a shrinking guest list to a completely canceled wedding. I have been consoling couples, helping them re-plan, figuring out refunds and credits with vendors and trying to remain positive regarding the 25 weddings we have on the books for this summer. Add into the mix my extremely extroverted seven-year-old daughter who is now home with me for the foreseeable future. Just like me, her world changed in a split second when school closed last Friday. No more play dates. No more team sports. No more community. Her daily schedule gone. Phew.
This morning I realized that my daughter and I are each missing our own schedule, our own personal time with our friends and our own space. Together we are navigating a world of home schooling and being each other’s social life line. Neither of us asked for this. Neither of us choose this. Although we both love being with each other and have a lot of fun baking, reading, skiing and creating art on a daily basis, we aren’t used to doing this for 8+ hours a day, every day! Plus, it’s one thing to be her play mate, but it’s completely different being her teacher. Although I love being a mom, this past week has made me realize how much I also love my work and it’s scary not knowing what the future holds. I am sure my daughter feels the same way about school.
I have been meditating a lot this past week with the app Headspace (thank goodness for technology!). One of the meditations was about dealing with change and discussed observing and calling out your emotions. I realized this morning (and while writing this blog), that in order to accept the present moment, I need to name the emotions I am feeling. Accepting what is happening and how I am feeling doesn’t immediately make it better, but it does help to put things in perspective and connect with myself rather than just pretending everything is fine and life is the same (which it definitely isn’t!). So here goes…
Sadness
Loss
Guilt
Fear
Loneliness
Anger
Frustration
Divided
Unbalanced
Phew, that is a list! No wonder it has been such a tough week. Feeling one of these emotions would be tough but feeling all of these at once…well that’s just a recipe for disaster! No wonder we have had so many ups and downs this week. And if I am feeling like this, I can’t even imagine what is going on in my daughter’s head!
I write to share my experience as I am sure that many of you out there are also struggling. It’s worth recognizing that change is tough regardless of the situation. Add a stressful global health crisis and everything gets even more challenging. Today, I am working on being kind to myself - allowing myself to think and feel and process. I am trying to figure out a better daily schedule for Jade and myself that works for both of us (and not just me!). I am being proactive and setting up virtual wine dates and check-ins with friends. I am trying to figure out how I want to use this unusual time we have together. I know it’s going to get easier. I feel better even just writing this blog.
And just to make everyone smile and end on a lighter note, I thought I would share that I am currently sitting in my car writing this blog using internet service from our local store/breakfast joint. We can no longer go inside and sit and use the internet and have coffee so I am confined to my car as the internet service at my house is terrible (it was awful before the pandemic and now that everyone is home, it’s even worse). Ah the joys of rural life in the mountains!
Jade creating art virtually with the children’s author & illustrator Mo Williams